You Know You’re a Mom When…

  • You enjoy the smell and crispness of  a brand new diaper
  • You can pour a new sippy cup while driving
  • You put your whole soul into singing along to the toddler tunes CD in the car
  • Your new normal is standing up to eat
  • You can’t stand how spaghetti sauce temporarily stains the whiteness of the high chair tray
  • Silence really is VERY suspicious
  • You’ve cleaned poop off the walls
  • And out of your child’s hair
  • You’ve sprinted like there’s no tomorrow, child in arms, into the grocery store so that a certain someone can go pee. And that certain someone is you.
  • You can also hold your pee like a camel holds water
  • Going to the grocery store alone is like a spa getaway
  • You have to smuggle food from the drive thru window into your car as if it’s narcotics, just to avoid your child begging “Paaaaaaaaaa-leeeeease!!?”
  • You let your child stand up in the grocery cart, despite those salty looks from other shoppers, because junior likes to cart surf and will hear nothing of being “Buckled in”
  • The things you used to judge other mom’s for in your pre-mom days, you yourself are now doing
  • Your car keys have been dropped into the dog’s water dish
  • Your child has eaten both dog & cat food
  • You’ve had your toddler in the bathroom with you while changing your tampon, and she goes to the bathroom cabinet and grabs a new one for you. Thanks, honey
  • You’ve woken up with your shirt covered in chocolate
  • You’ve changed crib sheets THREE times in one day
  • You wish your Samsung washer had a “Poop” setting
  • There’s a certain satisfaction that comes with having every  single sippy cup clean and accounted for in the kitchen cabinet
  • Walks in the stroller are great for exercise and for the opportunity to get outdoors, but also for strapping down your little busy bee love bug for 15 minutes
  • Your man has found one of the kids’ cheerios in his belly-button, and maybe eats it
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