Reflecting On Christmas Past

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This year has flown by. The older I get, the faster time seems to pass. Especially now that I’m a parent. It’s scary.

I don’t know about you, but the holidays have snuck up on me. It seems that one evening I was walking out the front door in flip-flops and shorts, and then the next morning I was wearing a winter jacket and snow boots. It always amazes me how that happens. I remember being a kid and feeling like Christmas would never come. Now it seems that Christmas is waiting on me.

The holidays are in full swing, which means I’ve been reminiscing about Christmases past. This time last year I was only in my first week of a job that I would soon come to hate. Maddy would have been less than a year old, and getting around mainly by crawling. Now, she’s walking, talking, and just transitioned to a big girl bed last night.

Although Christmas was near, I remember feeling very sad this time last year. Starting my new job meant that for the first time since having Maddy, I’d have to be away from her for 12 hours of the day. This was especially hard to do around the holidays.

I remember sitting in orientation at work, and on the third day there I thought to myself, “What have I done? This was a huge mistake”. I didn’t have the courage back then to cut my ties and say “This isn’t for me.”

In the past year I have grown and learned a great deal. Situations that were challenging and I thought would never end are fortunately now in the past and have left me with thicker skin and important lessons.

Last year on Christmas day, Eric, Maddy and I drove the 45 minutes home to Massachusetts to see my family-my mom, dad, sister, and foster sister (who has now been living with my family for a year).

I was a new mom celebrating my baby’s first Christmas. I was nervous about the future, unsure about where I was going with my new job, sad that I had to work a 12 hour shift the next day, and afraid to tell anyone, even Eric, about all the doubts that I was having.

I wish I could have told myself that things would work out and not to worry so much.

John Lennon said “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.”, and little did I know how much this quote applied to me.

Between last Christmas and today, December 11th, 2016, I have left two jobs that weren’t for me, made new and incredible friends, learned new skills, read terrific books, endured heartbreaking challenges, healed wounds, started an anxiety medication that has turned things around, started my blog, and most importantly, learned more about myself.

This day last year was a Friday. I would have been sitting in orientation at work, dreading my first 12 hour work day ahead of me. That night I went to bed feeling anxious, a knot in my stomach. I had to call out on my first technical day of training, as I had spent the early morning hours throwing up from stress.

Today, I am going out holiday shopping with Maddy and my mom. I’m feeling very excited for Maddy’s second Christmas, instead of sad like I was last year. I’m worrying less, and enjoying the moment more.

My hope for whoever reading this is that this year you can look back on Christmases past and see how much you have grown and learned. ❤

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